If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
