my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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