She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
