My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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