So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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