Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
