i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
