I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
