remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
her vagine was all disorganized.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
