Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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