so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
