hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
