I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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