this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
