I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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