This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
