no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize