the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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