why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
