everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
