If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
