Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
