I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
