Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a hot homeless man
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
