i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
