Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't turn off my feet"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
