Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
