i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
