It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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