apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
