i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
