I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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