whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
