He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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