I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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