thus making me awesome and them whores
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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