He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
