this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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