I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
