Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
