Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude. I can hear the air.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
