i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
