Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
