Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
