When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My breasts were aching with rage.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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