so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
