I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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