If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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