i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
