Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
