i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
