Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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