Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
