Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
