She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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