i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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