I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
