9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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