pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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