I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Im part way to drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize