Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
