is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
