I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm really busy with my period
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